Friday, May 04, 2012

The Search for Unfading Beauty (Part 1)

Please welcome my dear friend Meagan today as she shares her story with us!
Hello fellow Simply His readers! My name is Meagan. I'm here to tell the story of my Healer.

It started in high school, as many stories do. My two best friends were smaller than me. I was constantly aware that I was "heavy" not "fat."  During the middle of high school, I switched schools. It was a huge change for me. I had never attended a public school. I got into sports and lost a couple of pounds. I can remember how good it felt. At the end of my junior year, a boy used sweet words to win my heart. Words, I found two months later, to be untrue. Even though I knew he was a manipulative liar (I'm not bitter, this is simply the truth), I stayed for 1 1/2 years. I didn't like change. I was scared to change that relationship status, so I endured it. That year was filled with constant fighting and stress. I pulled away from family and friends. It took a toll on my appetite. I was barely able to take a few bites of my meal before nausea set in. I lost about 30 pounds. After the relationship finally ended, I felt amazing. I started exercising and lost 15 more pounds. I found a stable guy and enjoyed a great summer before heading off to pastry school.

When I left for pastry school, I was determined not to gain weight like everyone told me I would. In Atlanta, another big change, there was little I could control. I had three crazy (honestly) roommates, and a hot-tempered boyfriend. The only thing I could control-my eating. This is the first time I can remember being scared of getting fat. I was also underweight. My boyfriend would say, "You need to gain X weight, but not anymore than that. You would be perfect at X weight". Needless to say, that didn't help at all.  My thoughts were similar too, "Oh no, if I go past X weight, will he not like me anymore?"

When people asked about my weight loss, I would say "It's stress." or "I have stomach problems." I told myself this over and over until I believed it. Anorexia never entered my mind. Mom took me to doctors who could find nothing but a perfectly healthy stomach. Their solution: Eat more calories. Easy, right?

I left for an internship in Colorado, where my eating disorder went to a whole new level. I got down to a scary strong-wind-could-blow-you-over weight (an event that actually happened). I was promising (lying to) my parents that I was drinking my nutrition shakes with meals. I found myself hating people. Anorexia makes isolating liars.

Finally, the internship ended and I headed home. My family was shocked at my appearance but tried to hide it. All except my outspoken sister who said "You look like you just got out of a concentration camp!" I looked scary. I could feel people's stares when I ventured out into public.

Stay tuned for the rest of the story...

Meagan (right) is a 20 year old living example of a oxymoron. She is a pastry chef as well as a personal trainer. After becoming a registered dietitian, she plans on tying all three passions together. She loves her family of 8 (2 parents, 5 siblings) and her church. She is excited about Jesus and wants to share the story about his healing power in her life!  You can connect with her on Twitter or at her blog, My Life, my God, my Eats.

1 comment:

Sarah Koci Scheilz said...

Such a courageous story to share, Meagan. Looking forward to reading Part 2.


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