When you first shared your struggle, I have to admit I was stunned and surprised. I had no idea what to say or think, for yours was a wrestling I'd never encountered before. Yet you were so free with your words and your trust that I found my heart bleeding with compassion for yours.
I don't know what the future holds for you, but I'm finding that He's drawing me to lift up prayers, begging for grace and peace in your world. Frankly, I'm a little scared that He won't answer, for perhaps this is all for His glory, and like the thorn of Paul, it's meant to bring Him glory.
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' " (2 Cor. 12:8-9 ESV)
What if your pain is for Him? What if He's chosen this for you and it will not change? Your struggle creates a struggle in my own heart, and I'm left to wonder if that's part of the plan. Does He want my faith to grow too? Do I need to share in your battle so He can win the one in my own heart?
I know this God is great and completely powerful; He's our healer and He's the grace-giver. I do not doubt his love for us, and I do not question His sovereign plans. So what's left for me to do?
no matter what
I don't understand why the affliction has fallen upon you, at least not in my earthly mind. I pray for deliverance and new life. I pray for healing and peace. I beg for a miracle.
yet I will surrender to His will.