Monday, February 27, 2012

Uncovering the Good Girl

It sits on the table, staring at me and shouting, "Hey! Pick me up!"  And every time, I cover my ears and run from the room, not ready to go there yet.  Not ready to hear its words and face the truth about this "good girl." I know what that book will do to me- it will make me uncover years of thing swept under rugs, things better left in the dark, dusty corners.  The things I don't want to remember or fix.

Who I really am is better left undiscovered.

Then this sweet friend says she'll buy the book too and we can read it together and talk about it and it will change our lives and, oh my, really?!  Am I really going to have to crack open the safe that so carefully held my secrets?  Do I really have to read it?  Am I ready?

And so, in spite of my temper tantrums and screaming, I agree.  I agree to read these words that I just know will pierce my soul and force me to stand face-to-face with the good girl living behind this smiling face of "I'm fine, how are you?"  Maybe it will be easier without having to walk alone.


As so perfectly predicted, the first words knock me flat on my back, all the breath pushed out.

"God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another." -William Shakespeare, Hamlet

I want to close the book and hide.

"I desperately want to manage your opinion of me."

Oh, so desperately...

"Good means I never mess up."

Well, of course it does!  Right???

"All he wants is simply you- minus your good works, minus your perfect attendance, minus your politeness."

Do I even know that person?

Thirty-seven pages have seeped into my heart and I read slow.  Deliberate.  I still want to run and hide, but He calls me back every time.  He bids me to come back and read.  This one who wants simply me asks me to come and find out who that girl is.  Who she is without the perfection and organization and to-do lists and sweet smile and always-listening.  Without the doing and performing and pleasing.

And so I turn the page, to thirty-eight, and my wary eyes begin to touch the soul-searching words...


Counting gifts today-

#375- days off to recover
#378- warm blankets
#380- Thin Mints from the freezer!
#383- emails of encouragement
#384- new books
#391- reading next to napping husband


sarahkocischeilz said...

Katie, absolutely. I have wanted to read that book since the day it came out and I haven't even ordered it. For the same reasons you shared that it was hard to read. But I think I'll place my order soon. Would love to hear what lessons you're learning through it.

Katie @simply[his] said...

Sarah, it's $5 at Lifeway right now!  Get it!!!  :)

tanya @ truthinweakness said...

my sweet sister sent this to me recently as a surprise, so i am right there in those pages with you, girl! and i won't spoil any surprises by telling you what's to come in the next chapters (although i will say that there's a line in the chapter you're in, pg. 47, that i just love). so from what you've read so far, here's one of my favs (from the bottom of pg. 21):

"maybe you are hiding from your dreams because to face them would mean admitting they are there." (emily freeman)

wow, guilty. as. charged. God has brought a few different fears (of GOOD things) to mind lately -- fear of beauty, fear of celebrating, & this reference to a fear of dreaming.

continue to keep us along for your journey through this book, k?

Kelly Hallahan said...

reading and napping. such gifts- especially when tucked in next to your man!  happiness.  blessing to you from Uganda!

Katie @simply[his] said...

absolutely!!!  thanks tanya!

Laura@Pruning Princesses said...

Oh I've been there. A book that you knew God was beckoning to you to read. But reading it was hard. Life is neater when we hide the hide messes. But you know what? I like going to my friends' houses when they aren't all picked up. It makes me feel like I can be myself. Enjoy the book. 

Sarah said...

I  finished this book not too long ago and it the ugly truths I faced while reading it was so worth it! 

You have such a lovely blog...I got here by way of the 1000 Gifts link-up. Grace to you!

Stacey said...

#380 - there is no better treat...while you are reading Grace for the Good Girl.  Can I tell you - it undid me so much --- I wanted to stop reading it.  But after pushing through (cause that is what Good Girls do) I was amazed at how God used it in my life!  He has used it time and again - oh I'm still learning those lessons.  But Emily, helped me see that I am not alone and that Grace - is for even me!

Keep reading!  Love that your friend is going to read with you!

Laura Rath said...

I've been looking at this book, and you've just made me want to read it even more. :) So many books, so little time! 

lindseyfoj said...

Oh...I read most of it and I haven't wrapped it up yet. I wanted to but I think I too have been "putting it off." You are inspiring me to get back to it! Thank you!

...and hmmm...those thin mints from the freeze sound delicious!!

emily freeman said...

Oh, Katie! What a gift to find this tonight! I'm so glad to hear a bit about your journey, your courage in facing the good girl, your fear in the same. I promise it will be worth it. And remember, you aren't alone ;) Not for a minute. May grace surprise you in the sweetest of ways.

Debra Weiss said...

Wow, your blog post alone is making me put this book on my to be read list. Can't wait to get a copy now!

debbieinak said...

Loved that book!

Sarah@ Speaking of Truth said...

I was the SAME. WAY. when I read this book!!! It's definitely one worth reading slow and deep. I'm excited to talk to you about what you're learning. In fact...I think I'll just go email you right now :). Love you!!!

KimberlyCoyle said...

It took me a very long time to finish the book. There's so much truth in it, the kind of truth that hurts in a good way. I think the right books come to us at the right time. You are ready for this:)

Mandy said...

Katie, I think you read my mind, except that I haven't even gotten the courage to buy the book yet.  Every time I come across a reference to it or Emily Freeman, I think, "I know I should read that...It has my name written all over it..."  I hope I have to courage to take that plunge.  Way to go!

Alexandra Anne Austin said...

We will learn so much from this, and already have! 
Love your gifts too. 
Thank you for walking this journey with me; we can do it!! 

Amy McCollister said... why am I just now seeing this? I dunno. But I just read this just finished a month or two ago. I had the same feeling at first. I recommend taking it S-L-O-W-L-Y. I am here to chat about it if needed. :) 

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