Friday, February 10, 2012

There's Dirt in the Cracks

Today I write for five minutes straight.  Linking up with The Gypsy Mama and writing about... Trust.


Go.

"I have trust issues."
I wonder how many times I've uttered those words.  For a long time, when close friends would ask me to tell them about myself, that sentence was something that always managed to slip its way into the conversation.
It's been a crutch of mine for as long as I can remember.  
I've been hurt in the past... 
So naturally, I shouldn't trust anybody, right?
The middle school mean girls, the high school insults, the college loneliness...
Piles and piles of dusty reasons not to trust.
I guess I just stuffed them all into the corner rather than sweeping them out the door.
Sweeping dust and dirt out the door isn't always easy, though.
I remember when Mom taught me how to do it well, and I remember being frustrated and not really even caring if it some of it seeped down into the crack at the threshold.
The dirt just piles up that way, you know.
And if you never dig deep to sweep it out, it will eventually hinder the walking out...

I wonder how high that pile of dirt could get before you were stuck on the inside of the door forever.
I guess eventually you would just learn to ignore it and be content to stay inside...alone and hiding.

All the words and looks and actions that have stolen my joy throughout life- for a long time, they gave me an excuse not to be vulnerable and real with others.  My hurts held me in chains like a prisoner kept in a dark, damp cell.  I didn't fight.  I was content to hide behind my reasons excuses and rot alone in my filth.

"Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame.  Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated." (Isaiah 54:4 NIV84)

And after all these years, I'm finally learning to sweep the dirt from the cracks.

"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart..." (Proverbs 3:5)

STOP

23 comments:

Scuba Girl said...

Love the analogy with the dirt! Good for you!

Wanda said...

I have never thought about the need to sweep out all the excuses I use not to trust. But I do love that analogy. Thanks for the prompt to clean things up.

Stephanie said...

I love how you linked the dirt and the trusting together! Never thought of it like that before. Umm...food for thought.

Julie Anne said...

oh, I'm a walking book of excuses... always learning to trust!

Stacie said...

Wow. I think so many women can relate to this. One of the most thought-provking metaphors I've read in a while...

Nikki said...

Oh how I loved this. YES! Dirt!
Thank you for sharing you heart with us ;)

Alexandra Anne said...

I think we all have trust issues to some extent. But if we trust God enough, we shouldn't have to.
Great writing as always!

Denise J. Hughes said...

That passage in Isaiah 54 is my all-time favorite. This is a beautiful post. I can so relate! I'm an English teacher too. I've taught both middle school and high school. I love teaching.

I love your metaphor of dirt and dust. I think we do sometimes sweep the "dirt" in our lives into a corner, and just learn to live with it, rather than sweep it outside. I'm so glad to find your blog.  I look forward to reading more.

Mary said...

"Those mean middle school girls."  Yes.  They can really do a number on ya, I agree. Love the way you used the image of dust and dirt piling up.  It's speaks truth in very poetic way.  Very honest thoughts.  Thanks for sharing,  Mary 

Becky said...

I'm going to agree with Stacie about this being a thought provoking metaphor and one that we can all relate to!  I think that one thing that we forget is that we're not supposed to be the ones to sweep the dirt out- it is our Heavenly Father who wants to wash us and make us new- we just need to let go of the broom.
So glad my words could be an encouragement to you- as yours have now been to ME!  I also read  your previous post and found it so compelling!  Thank you for being faithful to your calling!

Mary Bonner said...

Oh my...I can SO relate to what you have said here!  I love the way you used the image of dust in the cracks...you have spoken volumes here...thank you for sharing.

Laura said...

First I love your blog design. Second I love your honesty. And I love your dust in the cracks. Trusting God is hard. I wonder if you are able to trust people yet. 

Katie said...

Oh, I bet we could swap stories!!!  Isn't teaching teenagers fun?  :)

Thanks for stopping by!  Glad you found me today!

Katie said...

You're so right!  This "good girl" is always eager to do the sweeping and reluctant to just give up the broom!

Thanks for your sweet words!

Beck Gambill said...

I love that phrase Katie, sweeping dust from the cracks! Sometimes I think that's my problem I can get rid of the big things, the huge wounds, it's the little things that pile up and cloud my vision. Thanks for that great reminder to keep house!

Barbie said...

I lived a journey of learning how to trust most of my life.  I am so thankful that I am farther today than I was yesterday.  But still, there are some dust in the cracks that need a good sweeping!

Veronica Monique said...

Going from that place of hiding to opening up is a constant renewal.

Caroline @UnderGod'sMightyHand said...

Ooh, yes, I can identify with "trust issues" at times, too. Great verses to use with this post, too. Thank you.

Lori said...

Many of us could live in the land of trust issues. I appreciate your honesty.
I also completely agree with your reading list!
Keep up the God work.

Jennifer Dawn McLucas said...

I have trust issues and I've hidden. Truthfully, I'm still hiding in many ways. I hide behind the allure of being in control. If I'm in control than I don't have to trust anyone else... I've learned the hard way that I can't always be in control. Fortunately, I am discovering also that God is always in control. Sometimes it feels a little like trying to breathe underwater- unnatural and impossible. But God is my air tank and when my lungs are screaming for oxygen and I finally let go and inhale deeply- it feels so much better. And I wonder why I didn't do that in the first place!

deni said...

I'm so glad you left your sweet comment on my own Trust post!  I'd not have found your post to read otherwise!   What a great imagery of sweeping the dirt from even the cracks!   Definitely a blessing.  Thanks.  :)

Elizabeth said...

You really nailed this, the idea of trusting others, or not trusting others.  Some really beautiful visual imagery.  
I followed you on 5-min -Fri, a little late in replying, so sorry!

Sabrina said...

 I really enjoyed your post.  I'll have to find time to browse around your blog more.  I, too, used to use "reasons" in valid place of excuses.  Happy sweeping.  Being clean is refreshing :)

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