Today I write for five minutes straight. Linking up with The Gypsy Mama and writing about... Trust.
"I have trust issues."
I wonder how many times I've uttered those words. For a long time, when close friends would ask me to tell them about myself, that sentence was something that always managed to slip its way into the conversation.
It's been a crutch of mine for as long as I can remember.
I've been hurt in the past...
So naturally, I shouldn't trust anybody, right?
The middle school mean girls, the high school insults, the college loneliness...
Piles and piles of dusty reasons not to trust.
I guess I just stuffed them all into the corner rather than sweeping them out the door.
Sweeping dust and dirt out the door isn't always easy, though.
I remember when Mom taught me how to do it well, and I remember being frustrated and not really even caring if it some of it seeped down into the crack at the threshold.
The dirt just piles up that way, you know.
And if you never dig deep to sweep it out, it will eventually hinder the walking out...
I wonder how high that pile of dirt could get before you were stuck on the inside of the door forever.
I guess eventually you would just learn to ignore it and be content to stay inside...alone and hiding.
All the words and looks and actions that have stolen my joy throughout life- for a long time, they gave me an excuse not to be vulnerable and real with others. My hurts held me in chains like a prisoner kept in a dark, damp cell. I didn't fight. I was content to hide behind my
reasons excuses and rot alone in my filth.
"Do not be afraid: you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated." (Isaiah 54:4 NIV84)
And after all these years, I'm finally learning to sweep the dirt from the cracks.
"Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart..." (Proverbs 3:5)