Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Late-Night Wrestle

I wallow in frustration because things aren't going as planned.
As I have planned...
Because, you see, I am in charge and I want this to be perfect.

"For I know the plans I have for you..." (Jeremiah 29:11)




But Lord, I've put in hours of work, and I need this to work and I want and I need and I...and...


"Let me quiet you with my love..." (Zephaniah 3:17)


And I am 3 with my dress too short and my hair all a mess.
Stomping and screaming that I want my own way.

This always happens!  Things never go smoothly!  I don't understand.


"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond all cure. Who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)


I can't deal with this anymore, Lord.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)


And here I am, trying to cast my own nets AGAIN, forgetting to trust and release.
With clenched fists, I am firm.
I hold tight.
But nothing changes.


"Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this." (2 Timothy 2:7)


The hands begin to slowly unclench.

These plans of mine that I hold so dear are just an illusion.
It's all in His control anyway.

My fists fully open.
And though it hurts my pride, I choose to submit.
Because He demands it.


"In his heart a man plots his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)





7 comments:

Nikki said...

Oh, yes.  Let's unclench our fists to receive all that He is. His way is always best...why do we always forget?

Sarah@speakingoftruth.com said...

Kindred. Spirit. I am right there with you today!! And...everyday. Ahhh I so wish I could just be surrendered all the time!!!!!!! What a beautiful thing it would be to be perfectly pliable in His hands, to go where He wills...and with a good attitude...

P. S.-- email coming TOMORROW. I haven't been ignoring it. Just had a youth conference this weekend and slept right through my staff meeting yesterday and am playing catchup today. woohoo!! :) Love!

Sarah Nutter said...

Kindred. Spirit. I am right there with you today!! And...everyday. Ahhh I so wish I could just be surrendered all the time!!!!!!! What a beautiful thing it would be to be perfectly pliable in His hands, to go where He wills...and with a good attitude...P. S.-- email coming TOMORROW. I haven't been ignoring it. Just had a youth conference this weekend and slept right through my staff meeting yesterday and am playing catchup today. woohoo!! :) 

Ashley Pichea said...

"These plans of mine that I hold so dear are just an illusion.

It's all in His control anyway."

Amen!! Thank you for sharing this truth today!!

tanya @ truthinweakness said...

what a beautiful expression of transparency, katie. i love the way you shared your thoughts of directing your soul back to truth. and i know those firm, clenched fists oh too well. and though it's a painful dying-to-self journey, i see my hands beginning to slowly unclench also. in doing so, they're beginning to look more like hands of worship.

HilarySherratt said...

katie, this is simply gorgeous - and it resonates with me, in how I both yearn to believe God's quieting words of love and how I resist them, hoping that he will fulfill my plans the way I want, when I want... thank you for sharing how you open yours hands. You've inspired me to do the same. 

Katie said...

Last time I did a youth trip, I was out of commission for like 2 months!!!  haha.  I totally get it.  No worries, dear heart.  <3 much!  Can't wait!

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