Thursday, February 09, 2012

Hide and Seek

I like to hide.
Behind the screen, these clicking keys...
Behind pen strokes on page...
When I have something to share, it's best shared from a safe place.
A place without contact of eyes or hearing of words.
A place without... fear.

When I venture out of this safe place, it's fine as long as I can sit all comfy in my box.
The box that I control.
Where I'm not caught off guard and no one ever confronts me with conflict.
The box that... doesn't make me grow.

Words in person end in stumbling, speaking quickly, too many ums and ands...
and the feeling completely and utterly ridiculous later on upon reflection.
Why don't I just keep my mouth shut?
She probably thinks I'm a complete idiot.

Can God really use an introvert?

So I search the scriptures.
(Too bad the word introvert isn't in the concordance!)
But suddenly, there he is, permeating the history of God's chosen people- Israel.
I find him sitting around, tending sheep.
He's not giving speeches or anything like that.
He's just... shepherding.
And God speaks to Him...
I have chosen YOU to lead my people out of Egypt.
I can almost hear his heart pounding in his chest.
“Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”  (Exodus 3:11)
Who am I?
And God says, "I will be with you."
Not "Be more like so-and-so" or "You can do it! Head up!"
He simply states, "I will be with you."
Moses is not convinced.
He's nervous about speaking and leading and all that eye contact!
"I'm not an eloquent guy, God, you know that.  Are you sure you didn't mean to ask that other guy?"

It has taken my stubborn heart 32 years to get it!
I am not less of a person because I'm a shepherd rather than a great leader.
God does not peer down at me and shake his head, wishing I could just "Be more like so-and-so!"
I've spent too many years comparing myself and wishing for something different.
God gives the gifts we need for the things He calls us to do.
I'm a listener, I pay attention, I see things in the faces of people that others tend to miss.
God uses that gift to press me into ministry...
And how do I minister?
With words.
Even the quiet ones...

I'm a perfect fit for my calling.
We all are!

What is your calling?  How does God use you?


Nikki said...

Yes! beautiful. I was nodding my head the entire time in agreement. (even with the *ouch*)
Thank you for inspiring and encouraging me today!

Alexandra Anne said...

Moses is such a great example!!! One of my favorite parts of the Bible is his journey; not only did he have a stutter, he also killed a man. God STILL had great plans for him!

Wanda said...

As an introvert myself, I too have struggled with feeling as if I needed to be more outgoing to be used by God. There are days now I still do honestly. But He's showing me I have what I need to complete the assignment He has for me.

Sylvia R said...

Wow, if you are a listener, and pay attention, and see things in people's faces that others tend to miss,  and you minister with quiet words, you are a rare and much needed gem in today's world! There certainly IS a place for such an "introvert."  
God richly bless you and your calling!

Katie said...

Thank you so much for your sweet encouragement!  I am learning to thank God for the gifts He's given me rather than wish I was someone else.  :)

Katie said...

Just started this book- Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.  You might want to give it a try!  I will probably be posting about what I learn there soon.

Thanks for stopping by!

Katie said...

I love you, sweet friend!  *hugs*

Katie said...

You bless me every single day, Nikki.  So glad to find you!


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